Isolation.

I am tired of not having a job.
I am tired of not having a phone.
I am tired of not having a car.

I am tired of missing my old life.

I feel like I have nothing now...
I am just passing time... waiting for the next day to come.
And the next...
And the next...
Which is insane... because every day is the same.

I resent him.
Resent that I had to give up everything and other than his half love, I have nothing.

I find myself slipping...

This is not what I wanted.
This is not how I imagined my life to be.

I feel like I am going crazy.

Even though without him, I was heartbroken...
I was also alive.
I had purpose.
I had a plan.
I had a passion for my life.

Yes, I cried.
I felt like dying some nights as I laid in the dark...
I missed him so violently I thought I would never feel the release of that emotion...

But I feel like I have traded pain for... discontent.

A feeling of my life wasted... or at the very least--a month of my life wasted.

I feel holed up and isolated.
God, rescue me, break me out.

Can I not have him for the rest of my life and still have a life?